The night is quiet, alone in bed, looking out of the window of the night, the flashy city singing lonely.
As I grow older, I like the quiet even more, because there are many things in my heart that I can’t say it out loud. I still remember when I talk to my friend about my problems, his face is full of confusion. Everyone’s encounter is different, thinking methods are different, it is hard if want others to understand what we are going through.
The longer the overtime, the more I like to walk on the street alone. The road that is usually full of people, today has become a forgetful walk, wants to text people a message, but doesn’t know who to send, gradually becomes a smile of memories. Perhaps everyone has such a story, can only silently bear by themselves, complain to themselves.
That time, always feel incapable, feel that I have been abandoned and forgotten by the world, work as usual during the day, but at night, quietly look out of the window in the room, removed the mask of disguise, under the seemingly strong appearance, is just a fragile and sensitive heart.
Countless lonely nights, I am helpless, I have sobbed, lonely waiting for the dawn, but thought that I can no longer wait for the dawn of the morning.
I told myself I must be strong, but I want to find a person to talk to, find someone to accompany me, but never found the right person. Take a step back, even if I found a person who I can talk to, accompany me, then what?
I tell others, their love, perhaps others will comfort me, feel my experience, perhaps some people will laugh at you, even perfunctory you.
Tell others that I am unemployed, but I still have to find another job myself, others can’t help me, the job they recommended for me is not necessarily suitable for me, might as well take action and save myself.
Last Saturday, I went for dinner with a friend, on the way home in a taxi, the driver is a middle-aged man, he is very talkative, and my friend suddenly sighs in between the conversation, “money is getting harder and harder to earn.”
They began to chat about life is not easy, he told us that he has a daughter who wants to be an influencer, spent a lot of money on equipment, he has to work harder to earn money to support the family, I heard in his words full of grievances.
Perhaps many people are the same, some words to themselves, can not solve or even sentimental, and uncomfortable, so talk to strangers. I got out of the car and walked with my friend, he proposed to walk around, he lamented that “everyone has their own problem, most of us are just an ordinary people, living a normal life and have a normal love, but everyone’s confusion and pain is different, in the end, we can only rely on ourselves to face and overcome difficulties.”
I am afraid of loneliness but has always been alone, longing for love, but afraid of her betrayal and alienation, afraid of encountering bad people, but can only tell myself in the mirror, I will not cry, I will not sad, but have forgotten how to cry, perhaps a moment, tears will still shed, its existence just confirmed that sadness is not an illusion.
Gradually we learn to talk to ourselves, kill all bad emotions, after all, a person learns to be strong is the necessary process to grow.
Why do I tell you not to think about your future in the middle of the night is because late at night, when we remove all disguises, is our most vulnerable time, in countless sleepless nights, I believe that many people’s minds flashed through the fragments of countless memories, memories are mottled but powerless to change, those for the joy, for the pain of things.
There was such a moment, I thought about my future late at night, made a series of decisions, but the next day immediately regretted, blame myself lack of rigor, blame my whimsical.
There is a moment that I want to say goodbye to the world, thinking that all the noise and commotion will disappear, but in the end, I go through it. Unfortunately, my friend, with the same experience as me, she not able to come back.
My friend had depression, the last words she told me was: “Don’t look forward to tomorrow’s future in the middle of the night, I can only choose to throw into the abyss, and face the endless peace.”
Those drunken days, I slowly depressed, in the middle of the night looking at the distant city alone, thinking about my future, but those decisions have never been able to be made.
But when I got back on my feet, I knew that I was alive not only for the living, but also for those who had left me, so I found that when I looked back I had come back and spent the night slowly, and the dawn that had not come had fallen on my face.