The pace of current society is getting faster and faster, the flow of information is getting more and more convenient, people’s living standards gradually improve, spiritual life is greatly enriched, we pursue not only material needs, more importantly, spiritual needs, so anxiety seems to have become a common problem of modern people.
Most people take anxiety as a negative emotion, with is a common problem, having the idea of trying to get rid of it, escape from it, but this practice, “you can’t hide forever”, if the problem is not solved, you will blame yourself even more, and your anxiety becomes more intense.
In fact, a lot of times, we think that the common problem like anxiety is bad, but anxiety is not necessarily a bad thing, you do not need to reject it, face it as a message is the most correct attitude. To know the full content behind this message, you will need to figure it out yourself.
You need to ask yourself: What happened? What am I worried about?
When we really know these problems, express it clearly and tell our anxious heart: “Why am I worrying, what am I afraid of?” The process of information being cracked is an emotional release itself.
Next, we need to dig further into the “thoughts” behind this common anxiety problem.
It’s not hard to crack it out when anxiety occurs, but it’s not enough to find the thoughts behind the anxiety.
If you can’t find this “thought”, you may experience repeated anxiety over “the same type of event”, i.e. “falling N times in the same place”.
Psychology has a “Rational－Emotive Therapy”, also known as the ABC model.
A stands for what is going on and what is happening. B represents a person’s ideas and thoughts, and C represents a person’s feelings and behavior.
When A and B add up together will lead to C.
We can’t choose A, but to make C change, the only thing that can change is B, that is ideas and thoughts.
Behind every anxiety is our own thoughts, the thought is our opinion and evaluation of what is happening in front of us, and it is also a subjective inference of the future, and when you catch your thoughts, it’s like catching the mastermind that makes you anxious.
When you’re anxious, ask yourself these questions:
1. “What do I think?”
2. “What are the things that happen objectively and what are my views and beliefs?”
3. “Is my opinion and belief necessarily correct?”
4. “Will the situation change with a different thought?”
Our thoughts and beliefs are not formed in a day, but the result of long-term influenced by factors such as the environment and authority.
In many cases, some of our anxiety is habitual.
For example, when you see your child lies to you, you get angry and have a sense of anxiety. When your efforts don’t get recognized by your manager, you get anxious, and so on.
Facing these habitual anxiety responses, we can try to find the source of anxiety.
You can prepare a pen and a piece of paper, split the paper into two columns, try to recall your past time period you can think of, which huge life events occurred?
You don’t need to list a lot, write a few things that can be counted as a turning point in your life, it can be happy or sad, but it needs to happen to you deeply and has emotional and cognitive effects. Write these on the left side of the paper.
On the right side of the corresponding place, write about what the impact of this matter on you, what impact on the outside, emotional and cognitive impact.
For example, someone may write on the left, during the final examination, because of getting sick, not able to sit for the exam; On the right side, because missed the chance to get in the preferred college, feel that life is not satisfactory, began to blame oneself.
Everything that happens in life has an impact on our perceptions and feelings, but some have been strengthened and some have been weakened.
And what you can remember when you write your emotional resume must be something you’ve reinforced.
This approach is actually a simple way of self-perception that helps you know how your thoughts and ideas are formed.
When we thoroughly understand the “thoughts” behind anxiety and the source of those thoughts, we learn more about ourselves.
At this time, you might find that your anxiety is no longer so intense, your heart is no longer a mess, changes has quietly occurred.
Is there any technique for quickly relieving our anxiety?
1 Three minutes of attention exercise.
Arrange a three-minute breathing time for yourself. Sit, lie or stand is fine, even at the subway station, before a meeting. Whether the eyes are slightly closed or look down is fine too. Just tell yourself that now you’re going to do a little exercise.
Each minute for the next three minutes has a different task.
In the first minute, I call it self-interview, ask yourself: “What’s on my mind right now? How does it feel in my heart? How does my body feel?”
You just need to feel it, remember, you don’t need to judge anything. Don’t say “If I do this everything will be better” or “I should do this…” similar words.
In the second minute, narrow your angle of thinking, put all your attention to count breathing, you do not need to purposely breathe hard. Breathe gently is enough. Consciously count your breaths to stay focused.
At the last minute, focus again on how your body feels, the environment, the sound, and the smell.
Why does every minute of “Three Minutes” think differently?
Because this process makes you feel that your mind and state are fluid, like an hourglass, sand from the wide mouth into the narrow mouth, through the bottleneck, and into another state.
This is the least difficult, most actionable attention-control exercise, and this three-minute experience will tell you that anxiety is just your emotions, and it doesn’t kidnap you.
2 Get your body moving.
We all know that exercise produces dopamine, a happy hormone, and people who exercise regularly are less likely to have anxiety or are more likely to relieve it.
But the thought of exercising will make many people have a fear of not able to adhere to the end. In the book “Mini Habits: Smaller Habits, Bigger Results”, many people are given a solution: Make the goal small enough to not able to cause you to be afraid. For example, one push-up a day. This makes it easier to stick to it and the thrill of breaking through.
3 Speak out skillfully.
This method, which we often use unconsciously, seeks help and support from others when we feel anxious.
For example, call a friend, talk to someone and so on.
You don’t need any advice from the other person, he/she just needs to listen to your complaints. At this moment you will feel that you are not alone when facing this anxiety, there is someone with you. The companionship itself largely relieves anxiety.
Actively search for this kind of person in the usual social, this kind of person must have high empathy, so that he/she can know what you are talking about, and do not rush to give advice.
In addition, you need simple and effective communication skills.
When you feel anxious and seek company, clearly tell them what you want him/her to do to help you and what you want him/her to do.
This is more efficient and avoids unnecessary hassles.
For example, a person needs only comfort, if he does not tell the other person in advance of his own needs, that other people’s advice and comments will make him uncomfortable.
Because anxiety is a sense of insecurity itself, if you feel that someone agrees with you and is spiritual with you, what you want is consistent with what you hear, it will greatly ease your anxiety.