I once asked my friend, “what it was like to accept yourself?” he said it was a down-to-earth feeling.
Below is the story he told me.
Five years ago, almost every moment I feel very bad, introverted, emotional intelligence is too low, my ability not good enough, in short, there is nothing worth mention, seeing only shortcomings on myself.
Of course, it is necessary to fix all of them, so every day is filled with a lot of anxiety and panic, feel that I have too much to do, but also because of too many anxieties, slowly turned into frustration. For the future, I am full of unrealistic expectations, while fantasizing about the worst results. At that state, I hate to recall the past, but also afraid of the future, and ultimately wasted too much time in memories and fantasy of the future.
Perhaps God is looking out for me, helped me met a mentor who lit my heart, lighting the road and helped me realized my problem, and I spent two years sorting through the past bit by bit, walking slowly on the road of knowing myself and accepting myself.
In a diary of myself three years ago during June, I wrote a sentence, “I like this self-deprecating self”, but in my diary in September I wrote, “I am complete, unique, and I deserve all the good things and encounters in this world.”
And now, I will have a thought, “Wow, I love myself. I like myself, there’s no reason, I don’t need any reason.”
Of course, this is different from narcissism, I do not hate the right narcissist, on the contrary, I actually particularly like their unreasoned optimism and “I am happy, I don’t have to care about how others see me”.
To accept yourself, first of all, you have to be able to clearly understand and accept all your characteristics. In fact, when I first found about the meaning of accepting oneself, I understand is that I have to accept my own advantages, and also accept my shortcomings. But now, the so-called advantages and disadvantages, are just looking at a different perspective.
Using advantages and disadvantages to describe a person’s characteristics, will not consciously have a comparative meaning, excellent is better than others, not as good as others, and people’s unhappiness often comes from always compared with others.
In fact, we should compare with ourselves, see ourselves progress more than the previous day. Every month, every year is a brand new self, this sense of achievement and happiness is groundless and unparalleled.
Accept yourself is in the case of self-awareness, according to your own characteristics to choose your favorite way of life, rather than cutting the fit or seedling, such as people who like reading and watching movies, do not have to force themselves to integrate into the circle of playing cards and drinking, and vice versa, and able to live in harmony with one’s own nature.
Many people want to change themselves, become “better self” in the eyes of others. I was once the same but later found that change myself must be built on the basis of accepting myself. If want to change oneself, but the essence is to reject and deny yourself, it will not make you happy, it will only bring anxiety and fatigue.
If we can truly accept ourselves, we will accept all our emotions, all our characteristics, all experiences, to see love and hope in the dark, you will accept all your expectations for the future, and then strive to achieve, you will realize the value of life, and then seriously really live every moment and no longer waste time on fantasy. When we can do this, the changes will happen naturally.
Accept oneself is to reconcile with themselves, is to establish true self-esteem and self-confidence. The so-called self-esteem is not to the high-minded, nor by others a little neglect on the feeling of injustice, but the external modesty and peace, inclusive and open, the heart put themselves in the most important position, respect their own emotions, respect their own feelings and needs.
The so-called self-confidence is not blind optimism, is not better than everyone, but from the bottom of the heart, endogenous strength, and energy, tell yourself no matter what difficulties and obstacles, you know you have the ability to overcome and restore, and suffering as practice, continue to refine yourself.
Accept yourself is also means to accept others and the world, the world is unified, what kind of perspective a person use to see the world, will use the same kind of perspective to look at others. When the anger, complaints, accusations from the bottom of your heart disappear, you will be more inclusive of yourself, the perspective of the world will be more diverse, it will be more peaceful to be realistic.
I don’t know if over a period of time my understanding of self-acceptance will be more profound, but I know that I am now a bit closer to that goal in my heart.